Today, Indie, our labrador dog was put down. He had bone cancer and was in pain. Its reminded me just how big a transition this life change is for us. At the moment, the boat is far away, out of touch. Everything in our home is coming to an end. My car is for sale, the house is up for rent, most of our possessions are either being sold, given away or stored in the shed. We are 'shrink-wrapping' most of the things we have valued and owned, putting them away where we'll probably forget them. The teaching term is winding up, we are saying goodbye to students. I've finished a Master's degree that I've been working on for the last 2.5 years. Term ends next week, and we will vacate our house the week after.
Its like our old life is coming to an end. It feels like a death to allow a new life. A door closing so that something new can emerge. But it isn't easy. Giving up working is giving up a lot of identity, a lot of what defined me. Giving up our home is another loss of identity. Megan and I have had a wonderful life here, we've made a home and a life together, later in life. Indie's dying has really made me reflect on the closing off of so many life theme's. So there's a sense of loss, a vague feeling of insecurity and anxiety that steals over me in the quiet hours of the night.
Waiting for the birth pangs to begin.....
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