Plans of mice and men .....

"O.K. Someday—we're gonna get the jack together and we're gonna have a little house and a couple of acres an' a cow and some pigs and—"

"An' live off the fatta the lan'," Lennie shouted. "An' have rabbits. Go on, George! Tell about what we're gonna have in the garden and about the rabbits in the cages and about the rain in the winter and the stove, and how thick the cream is on the milk like you can hardly cut it. Tell about that George."

"Why'n't you do it yourself? You know all of it."

"No…you tell it. It ain't the same if I tell it. Go on…George. How I get to tend the rabbits." (1.119-123)

I loved Steinbeck's " Of Mice and Men" when I was at school. And later I encouraged students to read this slim novella.

Our return to Australia could have easily been part of such a novel. Themes like redemption, appreciation, hopes for the future and love of family all apply to this journey home after two years away. The reality has been more akin to the novel than I could ever have imagined.

In November my daughter told me amazing news. I was to be a grandma. My baby was to have her first child in April 2016. I went into grandma frenzy. Everywhere I went I saw baby shops. She confided in me that she was expecting a baby boy. How marvellous! So naturally baby clothes, a musical merry go round were bought, wrapped and packed. 

I rang weekly, as prearranged by me, to keep up with the news, and ensure I knew how she was going. Teaching had become our meeting place, now a baby would help, I hoped, for us to reconnect: my constant desire.

Steve and I had begun to plan our return home to Australia. Trying to get closer to my children was the plan. Domain, a property website, became my favourite internet addiction. But reality said we could not return to Sydney. It was too expensive. So Brisbane Waters became our place of choice: near water and a train line. Even rethinking our next years sailing had begun. Where would we leave Pavlov for 6 months as we made our move south?

However as in the novel, plans often go awry even when it seems like nothing can happen to alter such wonderful times.

Sydney is always a shock to us on our return from Europe. Hectic, crowded and expensive. Great to catch up with my family. Michael my son met us at the airport and immediately he took us to meet his partner Jason. It was wonderful to see my boy happy. 

Sophie was well. I gave her my gifts and we planned a dinner on the following Monday. On Sunday morning I received the worse text I could ever have . Her baby had died that night. I was devastated for him and for Sophie and her husband. But what could I do? 

As the days past and I didn't see her the reality of this loss took hold. I felt helpless. 

We left for Ballina and it felt like our life and plans for our future had changed again, as radically as the change I had felt were needed in the November. A message from "somewhere " miraculously enabled my flowers to arrive in time for Sophie to take them to the funeral. Thanks mum and dad.

We both miss Pavlov and the security and freedom she offers. In a life that really is so tenuous the familiarity and enjoyment of our cruising life is sorely missed. 

Life has served us all a massive sledge, from which I don't know how long it will take to recover. My hopes for a better future and resolution seem dashed. Will we cruise forever?

However as the sea beats against the rocks and gradually alters the shape of the coastline, I know things will change. Though I am generally a pessimist, about my children I am always optimistic.

Megan